Download PDF You're Too Kind A Brief History of Flattery, by Richard Stengel
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You're Too Kind A Brief History of Flattery, by Richard Stengel
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You're Too Kind A Brief History of Flattery. Simon & Schuster Trade Paperbacks, 2002.
- Sales Rank: #2411663 in Books
- Published on: 2002
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x .90" w x 5.50" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
Most helpful customer reviews
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
A Too-Brief History of Flattery
By Fred A. Bernstein
What can I say about Richard Stengel's book that this smart -- no, incandescent -- writer couldn't say better himself? And, while we're at it, wait'll you see how great he looks in the dust jacket photo! Like the lipstick-smeared derriere on the front cover, Stengel's book comes in two parts: first is a history of flattery. It moves from the Bible, which suddenly makes sense through Stengel's lens ("God begins to preach compassion and justice, and in order to flatter him, God's followers make those virtues the hallmark of three great religions"), through ancient Greece and Rome, the Middle Ages and the Renaissance -- all hotbeds of flattery -- before crossing the Atlantic, where Stengel's analysis is particularly astute. (He writes: "Flattery in America was seen as unmanly. You can't flatter the Marlboro Man, and he won't flatter you.") A Princeton-educated journalist (now managing editor of Time.com), Stengel surveys flattery in Hollywood, in Washington, and among the media elite (Sam Donaldson's obsequious letter to his journalistic quarry is a gem). Then Stengel switches from history to how-to, dispensing the kind of advice that makes the book seem cheap (and probably a tax deductible business expense to boot): Avoid seeming like you want something [who needs a job at Time.com, anyway?]; avoid giving the same kind of compliment to more than one person [but what will I tell Jay McInerny?]; be cool or neutral at the beginning and grow warmer and more complimentary over time [be honest -- do you think I mentioned the jacket photo too early?]. If there's one thing wrong with Stengel's history of flattery, it's that it's only 315 and 3/4 pages. It should have been 316 -- at least.
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Flippancy and Flattery
By bibliophile
This book makes some good points and includes some interesting perspectives on flattery and grovelling. At the same time, it is decidedly "popular" rather than scholarly. The most irritating aspect of the book is the author's breezy flippancy; he tries much too hard to be much too clever, and the result is merely tiresome. I wish I could have checked this out of the library for a few days instead of buying it. For those with a serious interest in the subject, Alfons Silbermann's "Grovelling and Other Vices" is clearly superior.
17 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Wry Panoramic Look of the Social Roles of Flattery
By Donald Mitchell
Without intending to be too kind, the question this book really raises is who should read it. Some will love it while others will hate it. What will be your reaction?
Flattery is one of those subjects that most people cannot and do not want to take seriously. If you like a little humor with your social commentaries, you will enjoy this book.
If you want a how-to book on being a more successful flatterer, you will find some helpful hints towards the end of the book. But you will feel unrewarded by the histories of flattery, beginning with studies of chimpanzee behavior.
If you want to learn how to defend yourself against flattery's corrupting influences, there are useful ideas here and there. But you will probably still feel vulnerable in this regard ( . . . at least until someone praises you for avoiding being taken in by flattery . . . assuming the praise is genuine, and not just flattery).
If you want a guide for how to praise, rather than flatter, you will find some ideas here. But that's also not the book's purpose. You belong elsewhere to serve your purpose.
If you take a very reverent attitude towards the Old Testament, you may be offended by what the author has to say about God in that context. You should skip at least that chapter or perhaps the entire book. If you are an agnostic or an atheist, you should probably start there in chapter three.
If you have read widely on flattery (animal experiments about how "alpha" males are created, Machiavelli, Castiglione, Franklin, Bacon, Dale Carnegie, Chesterfield, and troubadour verse), you will find little new in this book except for the quips. Now, the quips are quite good, so you may like the book anyway. But be aware that about eighty percent of the book is providing such historical perspectives.
On the other hand, if you want to add to your repertoire of cocktail party stories, this book is excellent. You get humorous glimpses into the foibles and virtues of those who wrote about flattery, as well as their writing. Mr. Stengel is a witty story teller, who makes it all much more interesting than it really is. For example, anyone who likes Dale Carnegie books or courses should read about Mr. Carnegie's background as an unpopular young person and ineffective salesman.
There are many legitimate ways to attract attention from people that are different from flattery (in the sense of "false praise"). For example, you can simply be very attentive because you respect all other people. You can tell funny stories because you like to amuse. You can help people accomplish things they care about, because you like to make life better for others.
Whatever you do, be sure that you choose how you want to be sociable, however, rather than simply falling into the habits of flattery without thinking about what you are doing. The unconscious desire to please may take you along paths you don't really want to trod.
Have true friends and a meaningful life!
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